Acting from responsibility doesn’t lead to happiness or even fulfillment because nothing will ever be perfect. Fixers will always find more to fix. Self-sacrifice is not always virtue.
~ Suzanne Heyn
Does life really need to be as hard as we make it? I am speaking to everyone here and especially to women. Part of the feminine nature is nurturing others. Seriously though, sometimes, we just take it too far.
When we choose to take on other people’s problems or responsibility for their happiness as our own, we deny them the opportunity to learn from their experiences. To top it off, when we do this too often, we create more stress and thus expose ourselves to an increased probability of disease. Talk about making life hard.
I’m not suggesting eliminating compassion from our lives or not caring for the vulnerable. I’m talking about eradicating our sense of obligation for resolving the difficulties of those who are capable.
First, you need permission NOT to take on the problems or responsibilities of your parents, children, spouses, friends. Permission granted.
Second, communicate your new boundaries so they know things will be different. Truly, this is healthy for both sides. As humans, we all have come onto this earth to learn from our life and it’s challenges. If we continue to solve other’s challenges they will never learn from them. Lessons unlearned, will repeat until they are. They may not like these new boundaries and you don’t need their consent. Eventually, they will accept it (do they have a choice?).
Third, begin to honor yourself by self-nurturance. This sends a message to your inner self that you are most important. Honor yourself and others around you will begin to honor you as well. Remember, this is not just ok – it is required (by Marla’s order).
Fourth, pardon yourself for not being the ideal of a role that has been ingrained in you by family, culture and society. The model you learned is not necessarily the most evolved way to be – it is simply the one you were taught.
Having been there, I realize change such as this is uncomfortable at first. We need to recognize it is uncomfortable only because it is unfamiliar. Persist.
Out of empathy, I send you my blessings on this courageous venture.